Life and the Drama that goes with it...

So I was writing a letter to a friend about what's happened since my 21st birthday, and thought that I would type it up because it really does sum up the last couple of years.

I found out shortly after my 21st birthday that I have a decease called Endomitriosis. What it is, is the fallopian tubes (which passes the egg to the uterus) aren't connected to the ovaries. So when a woman with a heavy flow has her period, some of the discharge will go up and out the tubes, then attach to the ovaries, and the outside of the uterus. It causes extremely painful cramps during the period and occasionally during ovulation. 7% of women have it. But 40% of that 7% are infertile because of it. (But I won't find that out until I start trying to get pregnant) My doctor put me on birth control with the intent to stop my periods. However after 7 or 8 months of heavier periods and constantly feeling sick to my stomach, I took myself off of it as I was planning on moving and finding a new doctor. I finally found a doctor that I like back in May of this year. She explained exactly what the decease is (which my previous doctor didn't do). She also explained that my previous doctor was incorrect in his treatment. He shouldn't have tried to stop my period, but to shorten it. So my periods have gone from being 10-14 days long to 3-4 days long. I'm also on a much higher dosage as well. So far 4 1/2 months in, the only side affects I've had is bigger boobs and heart burn. So, so far so good!

I started a new job at IHG, after we got a new store manager at Blockbuster who didn't like me. It's the same place that my birth mother and sister worked. After about 3 or 4 months in reservations I moved to the Guest Relations department, the same department as my sister. I've been in this department for just over a year now. I get to sit and listen to guests complain all day about their hotel stays. Come March I'll have worked here for 2 years.

I moved out of my parents house at the end of October 2009. I thought I was moving in with one of my best friends named Francais. She got married a week after we moved in together. I, my mom and supposedly the couple thought that this would be a great arrangement. But almost immediately she started having issues with me, how I did things (or didn't do things) how late I stayed up at night. Things that were just honestly picking a fight. She even at one point accused me of stealing money from them. Which I didn't do. I had a few issues here and there, but they were never as big, or as bad as she would have with me. I know I have issues that bug people, but I'd never been told that they were that bad. Toward the end of me living there she began to be self-righteous. She was one with the Lord and I was the worst sinner and was going to the deepest depths of Hell. When we first moved in she and her husband were making a combined total of $1200.00 a month, that that was what I made by myself. But then at the beginning of February they both got hired for jobs that made about $1000.00 each a month. One night at the end of January we were watching a movie, and I thought that she had fallen asleep, and when I looked over and she was awake I spoke without thinking. I said "You breathe loud". To her I said "You're fat!" I didn't even associate breathing loud to being over weight. She never spoke to me again after that. She also avoided me like the plague as well. After she made it out of training at the beginning of march, Sydnie came out from Michigan to visit, and half way through her stay Francais had her husband give me a letter. The letter pointed all fingers at me. It said that she had cut all emotional ties with me and that she want me to leave them in 'peace'. So I had about 2 weeks to move out. The end of the month landed on a Wednesday. I signed the lease for my apartment the Monday before. Thinking back on it, with how everything played out, I get the feeling that they were just using me so that they didn't have to live with family. I have finally moved past the pain she caused me.

I now live in downtown Salt Lake. I have a friend who is a Salt Lake cop. Every time I told him a place that I was looking at he would tell me to not even think about it, until I suggested the apartments I live in now, he said it was in a good part of town. I've lived here almost 8 months on the ground floor and haven't had any problems. The apartment is the perfect size for me. It's a one bedroom apartment. It's decorated perfectly as well. The ward I'm in is so wonderful! My bishop has been amazing! Everyone I've me has been extremely friendly. My visiting and home teachers have been really nice, and very caring. Every time I'm able to make it to church someone always comes up to me and says 'hi' even though they don't know me.

I went to North Carolina this summer to visit Derek and his family. I spent 2 weeks with them. I worked a good 100 hours of over time to be able to pay for the trip. my mom and I drove out there, then I flew back home. I saw Stephanie, which for some reason I can't explain, it freaked me out. I got a really bad sunburn at the beach, and Amanda got sick so we weren't able to go swimming at the pool on base. Zachary (their youngest - who was born on MY birthday :) ) is so flippin cute! I loved being able to spend time with the kids. I miss them so much! I did go on the date, and the guy was really nice, very polite, but when I got home, he never spoke to me again... there must be something wrong with me haha! On the way to the airport, my mom's car broke down so I missed my flight, and now owe my parents $254.00 for changing the flight from Friday to Saturday. And I also dropped my iPhone in the toilet and ruined it... however, there's a guy here at work that is selling his old iPhone so when I have the money I'm going to buy it from him.

I had the swine flu, influenza type A and strep-throat all at the same time shortly after starting my new job. I ended up getting sick 4 or 5 more times last year. The second worse to the swine flu was on Christmas. I woke up at about 4 in the morning freezing cold, checked my temp and it was 103.4. My dad ended up taking me to the emergency room because I was dehydrated and we found out that I had strep again. I ended up spending several days at their house before finally going home. But I was so sick that when we opened presents I couldn't show much enthusiasm for it. The only present that I showed anything for was the most shocking present. My parents got me a laptop!!! Of course when I opened it no one was watching so they missed it. I've only been sick twice this year, and both of those times were just colds.

My doctor and I finally found a dosage of anti-depressant that works for me. Of course right now I'm on a higher dosage for a little while. I also finally asked for medication for my migraines. They've gotten worse over the last year. I can usually take just one pill and the migraine goes away. But I've learned that if it's a hormonal migraine it takes 3 or 4 pills, a dark room, an ice pack on my neck and sleep to get rid of it. Occasionally if I get one while at work and it doesn't go away I have to leave. But it doesn't happen very often.

I've made a new friend. Her name is, Clarissa Tucker. She's LDS, and 24 years old. I met her at work. She has been an amazing friend. God knew what he was doing when he had our paths cross. I met her just before I moved downtown. She's stuck by me through some pretty rough and emotional times. The day of the accident I was at her house in the morning for a 'Glitter Toes' party before work. We were talking about Clarissa's birthday party which was two weeks away. I was pulling up restaurants in Park City as that's where it was going to be at. After looking at that, it was a habit to pull up facebook. As soon as it was pulled up I noticed Freddy's post that Angela and Daniel had been in and accident and had be life flighted to the U of U hospital and that he couldn't get a hold of anyone. I quickly called Freddy hoping that it was a joke or a prank. But it wasn't. He told me that he was on his way up to the hospital with the four younger boys. He told me that they wouldn't tell him anything over the phone. I literally threw my laptop down, grabbed my keys, wallet, phone, and sunglasses then ran out the door. I'm honestly surprised I didn't get pulled over. What should have been a good 30 minute drive was only 15 minutes. I called my mom freaking out trying to get directions to the hospital. She told me to pull over and calm down. But me being me didn't listen and kept driving. I prayed the whole way up to the hospital. Begging the Lord to let them both be alive, that I wouldn't be able to handle it. But I know all the way up there that she was gone.

I will never forget walking up the hospital walk way, seeing Freddy wearing a red shirt, hands in his pockets, standing next to a woman with red curly hair wearing a black suit. As soon as I was an arms length away he told me that she didn't make it. I would have collapsed if he hadn't been there. He half carried half guided me down the hallway to a private waiting room the four younger boys were in. I couldn't have gotten to the hospital long after they did because they were all still crying so hard. It didn't take too long for all of us to compose ourselves. We were composed when the first of Freddy's sibling showed up. But when Freddy's youngest sister and sister-in-law had shown up I broke down again. I don't know how many people I told that day, or since then about what happened. The worse one was telling her best friend. It took me a few moments after calling her to be able to get the words out clearly. All we knew about Daniel was that he was in surgery for internal bleeding, and that he had a broken leg that still needed to be operated on. Daniel had been sworn into the Marines the day before. His recruiters showed up at the hospital and stayed until Daniel was out of surgery. Daniel was in surgery for a total of 10 hours. 6 hours for the internal bleeding, and 4 for his leg. Daniel had a broken nose, eye socket, a broken clavicle, seat belt burn, slight bleeding on the brain, internal bleeding, displaced organs, and a broken leg that now has a permanent metal rod in it. Daniel was in the hospital for a total of 9 days. He is now off of crutches, and will make a full recovery, and will be able to enlist again into the Marines come spring, or possibly fall.

We found out that the driver of the other car made a left turn in front of my sister. The state troopers told us that she didn't even have time to hit the breaks. Her seat belt broke and she was ejected onto the hood of the car. Daniel said that her legs were still in the car. Daniel told me that he was only put in the helicopter with her in case she lived. She died of head injuries. When Freddy's youngest sister Chantal and I went to the funeral home to dress her, the gentleman at the home told us that they had to completely rebuild the left side of her face, that even her eye was gone. It's a blessing in someways that she didn't make it.

I still haven't faced her death. I haven't faced loosing her. I need to start counseling sooner rather than later. I know that. Because I've begun bottling it up. But I don't know how to let it out. I'm hoping that going to a grief counselor will help me figure it out. I'm tired of looking into the mirror and seeing my eyes looking so empty, and hopeless. I'm tired of of the dreams I keep having. I'm tired of not being able to sleep.

Why Even Bother?

So if everyone notices, my exroommate decided to search out my blog and commented. The thing that I don't get is, that she told me that she had 'cut all emotional ties' with me. I told her to never ever contact me again, as she decided to end our friendship therefore, I decided that we'd never be friends again. If you notice she wrote 'good bye Katelyn' (which should have been 'goodbye' not good bye) as though, I chose to leave her...not her telling me to get out. What I think is really pathetic about it, is that she sent that message to, my personal email, my work email, and my deviantart.com page, both as a comment and note. If I didn't have her blocked on FaceBook, I wouldn't be surprised if she would have sent it to me there. Well now I've gotten rid of anonymous comments on here, I've had her blocked on here so she searched me out, it wasn't that she received an email informing her that I updated my blog. I've set my personal email to automaticly delete her emails, and reported her as spam everywhere else. Wow... I agree with my mom. She's feeling guilty for ending our friendship. I love how apparently she wants to keep the good memories but not remember those last five months..... Yeah that was how long we lived together... So I think she feels guilty, but she was just using me at the end there because they couldn't afford that apartment alone, and so I was an easy way to get out of having to live her her husband's aunt's basement. I've learned recently that a lot of people have used me, and I'm not going to let that happen any more. I'm not. I'm sick of it. So I'm just going to get on with my life, and no let anyone walk over me any more. I'm not going to bail people out anymore, I'm not going to let them borrow money, my car, my phone, my camera. They're just going to have to get over it, and learn that I won't take it any more. Period.

Wow... it's been a long 6 months

Okay... so I haven't updated this in forever... but now y'all get to see my loverly drama that's happened over the last several months.

So from the first week after moving in me and my ex roommate were having issues. I never had a problem with anything that she was doing, but she always had lists and lists of things that I was doing that was driving her crazy! She was constantly telling me that I was doing things wrong. Well shortly after my birthday 1/30 we had a huge blow out because we were watching a TV show one night and I thought she had fallen asleep, and so I looked over at her and she was awake so I said 'You breathe loud' and she blew up and didn't speak to me for over two weeks. Apparently me saying that told her 'you're fat'. Whatever. So I thought we had made up but then when Sydnie was out here at the beginning of March my ex roommate wrote me a letter telling me that I was stomping on their generosity, it basically stated that I am a horrible person and that I needed to leave, so they kicked me out. Since then I've thought of the hundreds of dollars that I spent on her. I thought she was a good person, but apparently I was horribly wrong. I thought she was my best friend but it turned out that she was just a horrible person, and I regret moving in with her, I regret being her friend. Sadly I can't handle being friends with any of her friends right now. I just can't handle it, so I've backed off, I don't know if I'll ever be able to handle it or not.

The only thing I don't regret is that I'm on my own out of my parents house. Maybe that was the point of all of this crap that happened. Getting me out of my parents house.

Well I now have an apartment of my own downtown Salt Lake, I've got a great job, and my kitty is finally happy and relaxed. She knows exactly when I get home from work and is right there at the door to greet me every night. It's sooo cute! She's finally playing again, and loves her toys that Sydnie gave me.

I love my apartment, (here's a link to what it looks like before and after the move and the layout of the apartment: http://s328.photobucket.com/albums/l360/ainuragar/My%20Apartment/) other than the person upstairs that paces back and forth from about 2 am to 6 or 7 am every night it's really quite. I have only run into a toothless biker who lives in the building, other than that I haven't had to talk to anyone. My building is right across the street from a grocery store so it's going to be really bad when I suddenly get the case of the munchies. My apartment is about 550-600 sq feet. I'm not exactly sure. It's pretty big. When all of my stuff was first put in the apartment it seemed cramped, then when I got everything put away it's huge! I love it! The first two or so weeks my oven didn't work, and the maintenance guy is really creepy... but I was able to handle him coming in and fixing my oven. So I've been able to use it, I made chocolate chip cookies and cupcakes so far! Yum! But now I wanna figure out what else I can cook... I don't usually cook much other than boxed foods for myself, but I'm going to have my mom and dad down for dinner when my mom gets back from North Carolina and helping my sister-in-law who had a baby in January (on my birthday in fact!) as my mother's day gift to her.

I've been working over time so that I can afford to go on vacation this July with my mom. We're going to drive out to North Carolina, so hopefully I can see my oldest brother's oldest son get baptized. So we're driving out there, then I'll fly home so I'll be out there about six and a half days. I've told my mom that I'll help with gas and she said that she'd have me pay for two fill ups so I'm budgeting $100.00 for that, I'll have to pay for my own food so that's another $150.00, I want spending money so I'll budget $150.00 for that, I desperately need a new swim suit so that's going to be close to $100.00 and then my flight home I'm hoping is no more than $300.00 currently it's about $150.00 but I might as well plan for a higher rate. So I'm budgeting about $800.00 for this trip. I'm sooo excited for this trip! I'm going to be working a ton of over time to be able to afford it, but it'll be so worth it! Of course it doesn't hurt anything that I have a date when I go out there!